There’s a powerful story I’d like to share, one that echoes the struggles many of us face in silence. It’s a story about a man who recently made the courageous decision to quit drinking.
He realized that the chaos in his life—the disconnection from his wife and children and the guilt that consumed him because of it—was not random and him being a bad person.
At the root of it all were deep attachment wounds, old emotional scars that continued to drive his behavior long into adulthood without his conscious awareness.
His wife was struggling with postpartum and he was coping through alcohol. This left him disengaged and disconnected from the people he loved the most.
He started to realize that this was not the man he wanted to be. He quit drinking and then he was left with guilt and regret.
Like many, he had been unknowingly sabotaging his relationships and himself for years. No matter how much he wanted to be better, those wounds—abandonment, neglect, and fear of rejection—kept resurfacing in destructive patterns. It wasn’t until he faced these core wounds head-on that he began to break free.
As we dissolved the guilt into peace I asked him about his childhood. In 6th grade his parents were incarcerated and taken from him and his brother. He was confused, abandoned, and afraid.
When his wife was in the depths of her postpartum, it triggered this core attachment wound…
His story revealed several attachment wounds and until we resolved them, they would continue to hold him hostage preventing him from becoming the person, husband, and father he wanted to be.
1. Abandonment & Betrayal (Childhood)
Wound: his parents went to prison when he was in 6th grade, leaving him and his brother to be raised by other family members. He felt abandoned and betrayed, which left a deep emotional scar.
Impact: This experience created a fear of abandonment, and a sense of betrayal from those who should have provided security. The unresolved feelings of abandonment and fear of loss likely resurface in his adult relationships, particularly with his wife, contributing to his fear that she will leave him.
2. Emotional Neglect (Marriage)
Wound: he describes emotionally neglecting his wife during her postpartum depression. His drinking and avoidance behavior led to a disconnection in their relationship, where emotional intimacy was lost. He feels guilty for not being present when she needed him the most.
Impact: This created an emotional neglect wound for both him and his wife. He feels guilty for his actions, while also struggling with feelings of inadequacy and the fear that his wife no longer loves him (which he consciously knows isn’t true). His wife may have developed her own attachment wounds from feeling emotionally abandoned during a vulnerable period.
3. Insecurity and Fear of Rejection (Marriage)
Wound: His fear that his wife no longer loves him or may leave him ties back to his early experiences of abandonment. He also fears rejection, as seen in his hesitation to fully open up to others about his feelings (outside of his immediate family).
Impact: This creates a persistent insecure attachment, where he seeks reassurance but struggles to trust love fully. His insecurity in the relationship fuels his emotional distance and anxiety, making it difficult to feel confident and loved.
4. Fear of Vulnerability (General Relationships)
Wound: he admits to being scared of fully explaining his feelings to people outside of his immediate family. This fear of opening up points to a vulnerability wound, where he fears judgment or rejection if he shows too much of himself.
Impact: This limits his ability to form deeper, emotionally secure connections with others, reinforcing a cycle of emotional isolation. His desire to be seen as powerful and secure conflicts with his inner feelings of vulnerability, creating an internal struggle between connection and protection.
Are Attachment Wounds at the Root of Your Chaos?
Attachment wounds are the emotional injuries we carry from early experiences in life, often with our parents or primary caregivers. These wounds shape how we relate to others, ourselves, and the world around us.
When they go unhealed, they show up in our closest relationships, in the way we handle stress, and in our tendency to sabotage the very things we want most: love, success, and connection.
In this case, the man had experienced profound abandonment during childhood when his parents were both incarcerated and no one would explain why. He was confused, took on the care giving role to his younger brother, and felt not only abandoned but confused as to why his parents would make decisions and choices that would cause them to be taken out of their lives.
As a result, he developed a deep-seated fear of rejection and loss buried in his subconscious mind, which later manifested in his marriage. Despite loving his wife deeply, he found himself emotionally distant, turning to alcohol to numb the fear and guilt he carried. His past wounds kept him trapped in a cycle of avoidance, guilt, and self-sabotage.
This story isn’t unique. Many of us carry similar wounds, and unless we heal them, we remain stuck in patterns of pain, anxiety, and disconnection.
Are You Carrying Unhealed Attachment Wounds?
If any of the following resonate with you, it may be time to explore whether attachment wounds are at the root of your struggles:
Do you feel insecure in your relationships, constantly fearing that the people you love will leave you or stop caring?
Do you avoid emotional intimacy or find it difficult to fully open up to others, even though you deeply crave connection?
Do you find yourself repeating patterns of self-sabotage, pushing people away when they get too close or pulling back when things are going well?
Have you ever felt like you aren’t good enough, no matter how much you accomplish or how much others affirm you?
Do you struggle with feelings of guilt or shame, especially in your close relationships, often feeling like you’ve failed the people you love?
These are signs that attachment wounds may be affecting your life. And while these wounds are often invisible, their effects are profound, driving self-sabotage, disconnection, and emotional turmoil.
How to Break Free and Heal
Healing these wounds is possible. It requires awareness, courage, and the willingness to see your current reality and face your past with compassion. It means releasing the fear of abandonment, neglect, and rejection so that you can step into the secure, emotionally intelligent person you were always meant to be.
Here are a few questions to begin your journey:
Where in my life do I feel the most insecure? Is it in my relationships, my work, or my sense of self-worth?
What past experiences do I continue to carry that might be influencing my present behavior? Are there moments from childhood or past relationships that still trigger fear, guilt, or anger?
How do I react when I feel vulnerable or exposed emotionally? Do I withdraw, get defensive, or try to numb the feeling?
Am I ready to break the cycle? What would my life look like if I no longer let these wounds control my actions and choices?
The truth is, you can’t heal what you don’t acknowledge. By recognizing the presence of these attachment wounds, you take the first step toward liberating yourself from the patterns of pain and self-sabotage that have been holding you back.
Ready to Heal?
If you’re ready to stop the cycle of chaos and heal the deep-rooted wounds that keep you stuck, I invite you to take the next step. Book a free consultation with me, and let’s explore how we can work together to release the emotional baggage from your past. It’s time to create a life where you feel secure, confident, and fully present in your relationships.
Healing is possible, and it starts with you!
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