Updated: Feb 1
February is my birthday month! I happen to love my birthday from a numerology perspective which is 2.22, but have rarely celebrated it. It wasn't until an IFS therapy session at the end of 2021 that I uncovered why...
The year was 1991. I was in kindergarten and my parents invited my whole class to celebrate my sixth birthday — which is on February 22nd. I was wearing a beautiful teal silk dress with white lace detail, frilly white socks, white patent leather shoes, a side-pony and white gloves — if you can't tell, I LOVED dressing up!
My Uncle Peter — who had no relation to me... he was my dad's surgeon turned friend — offered to dress up as a clown and create balloon animals for my friends. As the time grew closer, all of the kids gathered together, sat crossed legged in the lawn and anxiously anticipated his arrival. Only a few minutes passed, but to a six year old, it felt like eternity. Then I felt the energy shift...
Fast forward to 2021. I am 36 years old and unbeknownst to me, that six year old wanted my attention. I closed my eyes, tuned into the sensations in my body, got curious and my IFS therapist walked me through the conversation. As my higher self sat with this part of me I was shocked to discover that she was making sure that I was never responsible for disappointing anyone ever again. How?
By not celebrating my birthday.
She revealed that when the energy shifted, she felt like she had disappointed her guests. When my Uncle Peter was running late, the kids got anxious and she created the belief that she disappointed them. She vowed that she would never have a birthday party again. Of course, she did... My mom insisted that I have a birthday party for a few years after that. I resisted with all my might, but never could articulate why I didn't want to celebrate. Eventually my mom stopped fighting it and I got my way.
When I was 16, my best friend decided to throw me a surprise birthday party because she thought it was worth celebrating and knew I wouldn't plan something for myself.
When I was in my 20s I would tag along to the birthday of another one of my best friends because she loved her birthday and we had a similar group of friends. I thought, "Why not!? Two birds one stone..." plus I didn't have to plan anything. It was a win/win!
It wasn't until this discovery of sitting with the six year old little girl within me did it all make sense. She was trying to protect me and protect my relationships. Little did I know that I had shoved it so far beneath the surface of my consciousness. Im forever grateful for the opportunity to sit with that part of me and relieve her of that burden.
On 2.22.22, I planned a trip to Cabo to intentionally celebrate my birthday for the first time since kindergarten with two of my soul sisters. It also happened to be on a Tuesday... get it... it was a TWOsday!
It was small, intimate, and full of pure magic. I don't know if I will celebrate my birthday this year or not, but I do know that I am open to the possibilities and thankful that I am no longer resisting celebrating the arrival of my soul on this planet.
I have discovered so many parts of myself and this is just one story. One story that I wanted to share with whoever may need to hear these words. My friend Jen who went to Cabo with me helped me reframe my birthday entirely when she told my best friend Katie something like, "Your birthday is a special day. It signifies the arrival of your soul and that is to be celebrated."
I couldn't agree more. We are all to be celebrated. We're a one-of-a-kind spirit who decided to incarnate in this body at this time and I am thankful that we're here together!